Jab is a bit on the neurotic side. He hates all girls - Every single one of them! - Except for Prizma, who is his best (and only) friend. He does not seem to have realized quite yet that his mother and all those other "women" and "ladies" were once girls. He especially hates his older sister, Calypso.

He doesn't get along well with the other seventh-graders, because he's so wonky and socially inept. Really, he doesn't much like anyone; it's just the fairer sex that he specifically loathes.

"Jab" is not his real name. He insists that everyone call him "Jab" because his given name is obscure and embarassing. Only a few people know what that name is.

Prizma tries to be nice to everybody. This doesn't work as well as she would hope. (In seventh grade, being nice is not as important as being rich or being pretty. If you haven't already gotten to this age, this might be important to remember. Also: Good luck!)

Prizma is a die-hard environmentalist. She refuses to eat any sort of meat, and recycles like a fiend. She does eat at the local Burger Tsar, but she only orders fries and sodas. Eventually, she will realize that the Burger Tsar's fries are incredibly unhealthy and only drink soda.

"Prizma" is, in fact, her real name. Her mom is kinda weird.

Babette is a foreign exchange student from France.

Babette (You could call her "Babs," maybe, if you wanted to, but she wouldn't appreciate it) is something of a crusader for women's rights, which puts her at odds with male chauvinist Jab. Despite her animosity toward womanizers and womanhaters, Babette is actually very polite toward most people.

Babette finds it hard to get along with Jab, because he's a jerk sometimes, and he can't remember whether he likes her or not. Jab said a while ago that Babette could be his friend if she completed three quests. So far, she has completed ONE quest, which is better than nothing.

Suzette, Babette's little sister, is in France with Babette's mother and father. Babette does not smoke. That thing in her purse that looks like a lighter? That's not a lighter. I bet you'd like to know what it really is!

Poncho is a monster. He is not an alien, although I can see why you would think that. He likes to eat things, and play with Jab.

Poncho, poor fellow, is only five years old, so he is not that smart yet. However, he is very eager to learn, and he can already write most of the alphabet legibly.

As a five-year-old, Poncho is just as likely to believe whatever wacky stuff Jab says as he is to forget it three minutes later. Jab owns Poncho, but how he came to own the beast is, at the moment, a mystery.

Well, I know how he came to own the beast. But you, the readers, have no idea. Unless I told you once. I know I told my dad. I might have told some other people. Right now, all that Babette knows is that Poncho came from Canada, which is okay by her.

Poncho is indestructable.

Frank doesn't have an awful lot of redeeming qualities! He is untrustworthy, unintelligent, and doesn't have a very good sense of humor. He is nevertheless incredibly popular at the local junior high, especially with the ladies. Jab doesn't like him because he associates with girls; Prizma doesn't like him because he is, quote, "a scumbag." Unquote.

Why does Frank act like this? Is it his fault? Is his gruff/moronic exterior perhaps only a front that he puts on to avoid exposing a side of himself that he feels society would not accept? Probably not. He's just a jerk.

I swear to you that Frank has an important role to play in the comic. Give me some time.

What is Prizma's mother's name? Do you know? I'll give you a hint...

Well, no, I won't. Prizma's Mom ("Mrs. Lund" to Babette, "Prizma's Mom" to Jab) is pretty odd. When Prizma was young, she used to disappear to Argentina for extended periods of time. These trips seem to inspire her strange behavior, because each time she comes back, she's even weirder. Of course, she must have been a little off in the first place, to name her kid "Prizma."

Prizma's Mom is also something of a mother figure to Babette and Jab. Prizma's father is undoubtably out there, somewhere. So are Jab's parents. I mean, they've got to have parents, don't they? Or else, where did they come from?

Oh, man. Calypso is something else entirely. To describe such a woman is a feat few men can master. I don't know where to begin.

Okay, I'll try. Calypso Blaine is like a "Transformer," in that there is "more" to her "than meets the eye." Calypso is like the Pentagon, in that she is hiding various dangerous secrets. She is like a well-cooked pizza, in that she is hot. Seriously.

I am no great artist. Heck, how many different heads can I draw? Two? So, I don't expect anyone reading the comic to figure this out for themself: Calypso Blaine is a babe. She's babe-tastic! She's babe-adelic! She doesn't need makeup, but if she used any, she would use Babe-elline, from L'Oréal! If she were a television carpenter who co-starred in a really great episode of "Freakazoid," she would be Norm Babe-ram! If she...

Sorry. I got a little carried away. I told you it would be difficult!

Calypso Blaine is Jab's older sister. She claims to be away at college, and her visits home are sporadic and unexpected. Jab dreads these visits, because he cannot stand his sister. Calypso, on the other hand, thinks Jab and his idiosyncrasies are incredibly cute, and finds no end of fun in watching him be himself.

Did I mention that she's hiding something? And that she's hot?